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Reload the shopAll prices in euros. One shirt €35, two €31 each, three €29 each. Delivery across the EU is calculated at Shopify checkout from destination and quantity, and shown before payment. Misprinted or damaged, replaced free within 30 days with nothing to send back. Changed your mind, 14 days to return it, return postage yours.
Shirts · one heavyweight blank
A shirt talks before you do. Some of these start a conversation. Others end one. Heavyweight cotton, printed to be read.
Or just show me all the shirts
How this works
Every design here does one of two jobs. Knowing which one you want is most of the decision.
It is a range, not a switch. Some of these barely raise their voice. Most open Most closed
Someone reads it, recognises themselves in it, and says something. It hands a stranger a safe, low-stakes way in, so the first thing anyone says to you is already about something you both find funny.
Wear it when you’re somewhere new, at the thing you didn’t want to go to alone, or on a day you’d rather be spoken to than not.
It states the boundary so you don’t have to enforce one out loud. No excuse, no tone to manage, no small talk to escape from. The shirt has already been rude on your behalf, politely.
Wear it when you’re travelling, in a queue, out of social battery, or simply not available for a conversation about the weather.
The collection
All shirts
“I pushed a pull door confidently. I must move”
Admits the thing everyone has done, so anyone who reads it has a version of their own to offer.
“My stress has its own stress”
Says where you are without a status update. Usually gets a nod rather than a question.
“I love plans for a me who actually leaves the house”
Sets the expectation before anyone makes plans with you. The softest of the four, it closes a door without shutting it.
“I check my phone, put it away. No idea what time it is”
Universally true and completely harmless. The safest opener in the range.
“It’s 4 PM. The day is officially over”
Agreed with instantly by anyone who has ever had a job.
“Still working out how fast to pass you without a race”
Names a private calculation everybody runs. Recognition first, conversation second.
“Do not ask me for directions, I barely navigate my own life”
The most literal one here. It is an instruction, and people follow it.
“One minor snag away from a new country, a fake name”
Signals you’re at capacity without anybody having to ask if you’re alright.
“Trying to look closed off, also financially stable”
States the intent out loud, which is funnier and more effective than the face.
“I typed haha while staring, with absolute neutrality”
A confession everybody shares, printed by someone who has done it in the last hour.
Every design is the same natural heavyweight blank. Pick a size on the card and it goes straight in the bag.
Build a three
Take two that open and one that closes, or whatever combination is actually true of you. Nothing here has to match. The price drops on its own.
Add or remove
Getting the size right
Buying a shirt you can’t try on is a guess. Here are three ways to stop guessing, in order of how well they work.
Lay it flat, measure straight across from armpit to armpit, and match that number. It is the most reliable method there is, because it compares a garment to a garment instead of a garment to a body.
Around the fullest part, tape level, one finger of slack. The finder converts that into a size and tells you exactly how much room you’ll have, so you can disagree with it if you want.
The fit is wide and relaxed, with dropped shoulders. Your usual size will work. If you’re between two, take the smaller one, this blank runs generous.
Provisional garment measurements in centimetres. The source sheet still needs to be rechecked before launch; “fits chest” is our guidance, not a supplier measurement.
| Size | Chest (flat) | Length | Fits chest |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 57cm | 76cm | 94–99cm |
| M | 60cm | 78cm | 99–105cm |
| L | 63cm | 80cm | 105–111cm |
| XL | 66cm | 82cm | 111–117cm |
| 2XL | 69cm | 84cm | 117–124cm |
| 3XL | 73.5cm | 85cm | 124–133cm |
Chest is measured flat, so double it for the full circumference.
Misprinted, faulty, damaged in the post, or not what you ordered: tell us within thirty days and we will put it right at our cost. We usually will not need the faulty shirt back.
Changed your mind, or the size is wrong? Tell us within fourteen days of delivery, then post it back within fourteen more. We refund the shirt and the least expensive standard delivery you paid; return postage is yours. Early orders are how we learn whether the sizing and product copy are clear.
The blank
A joke on a bad shirt lasts about four washes. The cheap blanks go transparent, the collar gives up inside a month, and the print cracks into a barcode. So there is one blank here, it is the expensive one, and that is the entire range.
The flat-lay photos show the shirt you would receive. Open any product to see the flat-lay beside three labelled on-body mock-ups.
Reviews
This shop is new, and nobody has left one.
When customers do, we will publish what they actually say, including the bad ones. Until then: no stars, no scores, no placeholder praise.
The people
€10 off, no small talk
Use SECOND10 at checkout. That is the whole arrangement.
Before you ask
The fit is wide and relaxed, with dropped shoulders. Your usual size will work. If you’re between two, take the smaller one, this blank runs generous. If you want to compare, measure a shirt you already like across the chest and use the size finder. Its centimetre chart is provisional until the BY102 source sheet or a production sample has been rechecked.
Because nobody has left one yet. When customers do, we will publish what they actually say, including the bad ones. Until then there are no stars, scores, or placeholder praise.
We ship across the EU for now. Every shirt is printed for your order in Germany, so nothing sits in a warehouse waiting, but printing to order is not fast: the print house allows itself up to 10 days to make and dispatch your shirt, and delivery comes on top of that. Checkout quotes 7 to 17 business days from order to doorstep, so plan on up to about three and a half weeks. Shopify calculates delivery from the destination and quantity and shows the rate before payment.
The design is applied with DTG (direct-to-garment) digital printing. Follow the sewn-in care label. If the print arrives cracked or fails inside thirty days, tell us and a replacement goes out free. You keep the first one; there is nothing to send back. That practical promise is in addition to your two-year legal guarantee.
Tell us within fourteen days of delivery, then post it back within fourteen more. We refund the shirt and the least expensive standard delivery you paid; return postage is yours. If the shirt is faulty, damaged, or not what you ordered, we put it right at our cost.
Yes. Two shirts drop every shirt to €31, three drops every shirt to €29, and they don’t have to be the same design or the same size. No code, nothing to remember. Those figures are the goods subtotal before delivery. The €10 first-order code comes off on top of the multi-buy price; it is not a discount you have to choose instead. Take the code and the three-pack price together.
It’s the correct gift for a specific person: the one who replies to everything with a single word and means it warmly. Pick a starter if they’re the sort who wants to be spoken to and an ender if they aren’t. If you know which shirt is theirs, you already know.
The boring but necessary part
EU delivery is calculated at checkout. The rate depends on destination and quantity and appears before payment. Printing and delivery normally take 7–17 business days.
Read shipping detailsFourteen days to change your mind. Return postage is yours; faulty, damaged, or incorrect shirts are put right at our cost.
Read the returns policy Withdraw from contract hereNo advertising trackers. Anonymous analytics runs only if you accept it. Your bag stays in your browser, and we never send names, emails, or anything you type to analytics.
Read the privacy policyThe full rules for using the site, placing an order, payment, delivery, cancellations, and consumer rights.
Read the termsEmail contact@wearsecondlanguage.com. We read it ourselves. The same address handles sizing questions, orders, and returns.
If you are between sizes, or unsure whether a design is the right one for someone, send the question before you order. An honest answer costs us less than a return.